09 February 2015 @ 02:49 am
Title: Upside Down
Author: [livejournal.com profile] kaossbells & [livejournal.com profile] mcsparklez
Beta: the wonderful [livejournal.com profile] gypsyjaeger
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Belldom
Summary: Based on the mkmeme prompt: A rich music collector has almost everything he ever craved for, almost. One special object is still missing in his collection: Matthew Bellamy!
Warnings: language, violence
Feedback: Is like Matt Bellamy bathing in red glitter; fabulous.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and has never happened. We do not own any of the people mentioned and do not mean to offend.
A/N: Thank you once for voting this the Best Collaboration in the Museslash Awards 2014, and also gifting it with the Best Angst award. It definitely made our day... week... year... life. No, seriously. It did.


[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3a] [Chapter 3b] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5a] [Chapter 5b] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7a] [Chapter 7b] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10a] [Chapter 10b] [Chapter 10c] [Chapter 10d] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12a] [Chapter 12b] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14a] [Chapter 14b] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16a] [Chapter 16b]



Soft light spilled into the bedroom, a single ray of sunshine hitting Dom’s face and making him grunt and throw an arm over his head. He could feel the light pressure of Matt’s upper body on top of his, the low exhale of his breath hitting his shoulder, and couldn’t help but sigh in content.

Slowly cracking one lazy eye open, he turned his face downwards and was met with a shock of dark brown hair. He smiled in satisfaction and wrapped an arm around his lover, nuzzling his hair and closing his eyes again.

He couldn’t believe last night had happened, but the snoring little lump weighing him into the mattress was proof enough. It felt… He didn’t even know how to name the feelings inside him, he just knew he was beyond happy and grateful. All the hardships, the pain, the sadness… They were still Matt and Dom, but at the same time he felt different. Everything felt as if it had changed while nothing really had. It was confusing and yet exciting. He wondered what would happen now, if it was the start of something new.

“Isn’t it a bit early for you to think so hard?”

He opened his eyes and was greeted by azure blue shining brightly. The sunlight only hit a small part of Matt’s face, but it still made him look divine to the point that it made Dom’s heart skip a beat. Once he knew that he had the blonde’s attention, Matt’s lips stretched into a wide grin, one wonky tooth sticking out from the rest.

Almost automatically Dom’s left hand moved to cup his jaw and pull him down into a soft kiss. It was unlike those they’d shared the previous night, this one not born out of need or desperation. Instead it was a simple gesture of love and affection.

Once they parted, Dom’s eyes crinkled and his lips turned slightly upwards. “Good morning.”

“Good morning to you, too,” Matt whispered and rolled off Dom. The blonde pouted, but was satisfied when Matt instead lay next to him. He moved onto his side and tucked his arm under his head. Now, their faces were only inches apart.

They simply looked at each other, their breathing the only sound disturbing the otherwise quiet peacefulness that surrounded them. At one point Dom’s free hand reached out to gently trace the skin of Matt’s bare upper arm, before it travelled downwards to thumb his wrist and, finally, hold his hand. The singer squeezed back lightly and pulled their hands up to lay them between their bodies.

“Are you okay?” Dom broke the silence.

Matt hummed in reply, and Dom’s worries evaporated almost immediately. For one, his reply took the appropriate amount of time - not too long to be unsure, not too quickly to be panicky. For another, Matt actually kept eye contact, a sign that he wasn’t bullshitting Dom.

“I am,” he said and confirmed his earlier reply. “Are you?”

Dom grinned at that. “Fucking fantastic, actually.”

He leaned forward to kiss their joined hands, smiling softly as he did so. He wanted to blurt out all his feelings here and now, but he somehow felt that it wasn’t the right time. Which was weird, because he’d told Matt about his feelings twice now and this was probably the most romantic setting they’d ever been in. Love confessions were supposed to be romantic, no? So why did he feel like he should keep his mouth shut?

Matt pushed their hands down so his head could move into the nook of Dom’s neck. He nuzzled the soft skin he found there and the blonde giggled lightly. A tiny pink tongue poked out to lick at the skin, and the giggle turned into a loud laugh.

“That tickles, you dick!”

“Sorry,” Matt apologised, but didn’t sound sorry at all. Nevertheless, he stopped his ministrations and instead lay quietly, his thumb tracing the palm of Dom’s hand still with his intertwined. The blonde untangled his fingers and moved his hand behind the small body of his lover, pushing it forward and effectively pulling him closer to his own.

Once again he was hit with the urge to talk about what had happened between them last night, to find out where they were going from now on. But the courage to open his mouth didn’t come with that urge, and instead he hoped for Matt to start their talk. The man in question, however, remained quiet and Dom figured that that was the whole problem. He’d been nothing but vocal about his feelings from the beginning of when realisation had hit him. Matt on the other hand remained a mystery. Sure, he’d had vaguely told him about his own feelings that cold October night, but since then Matt hadn’t said anything about them. Dom guessed that yesterday and last night were a good indication, but he couldn’t say it with the certainty he had possessed before their whole ordeal, before Matt had changed.

“Dom?”

“Hmm?”

“Can we sleep for a bit longer before we get up?”

He managed to smile, even though Matt couldn’t see it anyway, and nodded, his chin bumping the top of Matt’s head. Their talk could wait, yes.

“Sounds like a good plan to me.”
___

A few hours later Dom was carefully folding one of his favourite shirts on the bed. He’d already started packing while Matt was still under the shower. He smiled fondly at the memories of last night, but truth be told, he really craved a serious conversation with the singer. He needed to know that they both were in the same place here. At the same time he was also afraid of scaring his lover away so, once again, the drummer was in emotional limbo. This time, though, he was sure that Matt wanted something he wanted, too. There’d been clear indicators of that last night and this morning.

“What are you smiling about, mate?”

Dom turned around, a bit confused as he’d been so deeply in thought a second ago. “Nothing much, really,” he replied, smile still in place.

“Ah, so just the usual post-sex grinning, I see,” Matt said and looked out of the window.

“Probably,” Dom laughed quietly and proceeded to lay his shirt in the suitcase.

Matt went over to his own bag with one hand firmly clasping the towel wrapped around his waist. Dom watched him bend down to get better access and used the chance to pull one end of the towel down. The singer yelped and jumped away quickly, and Dom grinned from one ear to the other. It was ridiculously entertaining to see the man he’d slept with last night, the man who’d been so divine and beautiful and perfect, now moving around awkwardly and being so easily riled up.

“Not funny,” Matt cried out indignantly and quickly wrapped the towel back around his waist.

“I don’t even know why you’re acting all coy. I know your body inside out by now,” Dom chuckled and sank down on the side of the bed.

“Yeah, well… Doesn’t mean a man can’t try and keep up appearances,” Matt huffed and quickly stepped into his boxers.

“Come on, what’s with the towel? Don’t tell me you’re suddenly embarrassed about showing your dick to me.”

“No,” Matt whispered and busied himself with shrugging into his shirt. “I just want to get dressed without any interruption.”

“Fine then.” Dom pouted at that, but let Matt have this his way.

It was probably for the best if they got dressed soon, because Dom was dying to have that talk about their future plans. He knew he couldn’t do it while Matt was only partially dressed, the sight of even the tiniest bit of skin too distracting to form a coherent sentence. So he simply watched Matt putting on his socks and shrugging into a pair of jeans while he busied himself with folding the same pair of skinnies over and over again.

“Listen…” Dom finally started as Matt stuffed his belongings into his suitcase.

“It’ll be weird to go back now,” the singer mumbled, apparently having missed Dom’s conversation starter.

Immediately thrown off his original plan the blonde asked, “How do you mean?”

“I mean… this is it, isn’t it? Back to our lives in London. Trying to get back to serious writing and playing,” Matt mused while he sat down on his case to zip it shut.

“Yeah, but you know that you’re not alone, right? I’ll be there and so will the others,” Dom replied and saw a soft smile spreading on Matt’s face almost immediately.

“I know, yes…” He sighed. “And I really appreciate it, but you all have your own lives, too. I need to do this on my own, y’know? I’ll get used to the business again and living on my own will probably help-”

“What?” Dom spluttered, almost glad that Matt was still too occupied with his packing to notice his obvious confusion. “What did you just say?”

“I said that I appreciate it but you have your own lives.”

“I know. But after that,” Dom clarified. “You said you were moving out?” This was the first time he’d heard about these plans.

“Yeah.”

“Why?” he asked, clearly unsettled. He didn’t want Matt to leave.

“It’s the next logical step, isn’t it? And it’s about time to get back on my own feet. If not now, then when?”

Dom didn’t have an answer to that. Well, he did have an answer, but he didn’t think it would go down well. So he sat quiet and stared at his luggage, trying to find something to say. His clothes didn’t offer a single word. The singer actually looked a bit excited at the prospect of becoming independent again and how could Dom possibly hold it against him? But still… This wasn’t what he’d expected this conversation to go like at all.

“I bet you’re happy to get me out of your hair after all this time.”

“Umm…”

“See, you’ll have more time to yourself again and won’t have to worry about me drinking out of the milk carton anymore.” Matt grinned and stuffed another shirt into his backpack. “Or my dirty underwear hanging over your lamp.”

“Yeah… right…” Dom wasn’t able to form a more coherent answer to that without giving away his disappointment. And he didn’t want Matt to worry about him, not when he was finally so set on getting back into the saddle.

He knew he didn’t have the right to feel as crushed as he did in that moment, he knew that he should have expected this. Matt was a strong person who’d always been proud of his independence. He should feel happy about the progress his friend made. But instead he felt… sad. Yes, it was as simple as that. Matt was oblivious to his mood change, though, and who could blame him? He was now facing the possibility of a new start and finally felt ready to take the leap.

It was weird. While he’d been euphoric about every step Matt had taken to get his old life back, this one, the one that would make him himself again was the one Dom feared. That thought alone made him feel selfishly miserable. He wanted Matt to stay close, to implore their new dynamics further, and for Matt to need him. To make matters worse, he knew how egotistical that was. And still he was scared to let Matt go like this. Not because he thought he wasn’t ready, but because he craved his presence. Back in his own home he’d learn to live alone again, to deal with his everyday business on his own. He wouldn’t need Dom anymore.

He sighed and turned back to his suitcase to finish his packing, his shoulders sagging and his mouth turned downwards. Matt didn’t seem to notice.
___

London, 10.01.2014

“Hey guys, there you are!” Chris smiled widely at Dom and Matt who’d just entered the tiny café in the quiet side street, a long way from London’s busy shopping areas.

“Hey mate.” Dom returned the smile in earnest. They hadn’t seen the bassist since New Year’s Eve as he’d chosen to stay in Teignmouth with his family. But now he’d taken a few days to visit before he’d return to their hometown once again. Since they didn’t yet know when they’d start working again, he spent as much time with Kelly and the kids as possible.

They each got a short hug before they settled down. Dom stole a few glances at Matt who seemed to be very happy about seeing Chris, too. They had spent some time together over the past few days, but not nearly as much as they had before Matt had moved back to his own place about a week ago. Obviously, as he was busy settling in again and catching up with some close friends. There was still a certain amount of affection between them, casual and like second nature. But nothing close to what had happened in Teignmouth. Nothing that would indicate a change of feelings on Matt’s side, and Dom didn’t feel like forcing anything. He’d been nothing but patient and understanding, so, in his stubborn mind, it was finally time for Matt to take the initiative.

“So how are you two faring these days?” the bassist asked and leant back in his comfortable chair, shooting them curious looks. Dom knew what Chris’ true intention behind the question was. Because he knew about Dom’s feelings.

“Oh, quite good actually.” Matt grinned and snuck a look into the menu before he looked back up at their bandmate again. “Been meeting some friends, done some reading, and started redecorating my house.”

Dom knew exactly that it was a euphemism for covering up the last remains of the desperate fight that’d taken place there. He’d been there and actually done most of the painting himself. Matt wasn’t quite there yet. Not completely.

“Sounds great,” Chris replied and waved at one of the waitresses with a friendly smile.

She immediately came over and pulled out her tiny notebook. “What can I get you guys?”

Dom could feel Matt tensing up the slightest bit beside him and almost didn’t manage to suppress the urge to touch him. Strangers were still a bit difficult for Matt. It wasn’t anything people would notice, though. Maybe it was just because Dom was so attuned to his friend’s every mood that he did notice. To him it felt like Matt’s flight instinct had sharpened immensely since he was back. Especially when he found himself in unfamiliar surroundings. Home was safe, the public wasn’t.

Dom sighed quietly and tried to give Matt a reassuring smile after the waitress had gone off with their orders and a flowing skirt. The singer’s mouth twitched and one corner rose up in understanding. There, their silent communication still worked. So why didn’t Matt know that Dom wanted more than just friendship, for fuck’s sake? Every day it got harder to keep his resignation at bay although he knew it was unfair. At the same time he couldn’t just change the way he felt, could he? He was long past the point of thinking that a bit distance between them might put things into perspective again. Things had never been more in perspective.

At least for him… No. No, he couldn’t allow himself to wallow in those dark thoughts again. Matt was here again and set on starting anew. The last thing he needed right now was for Dom to pressure him. Plus, Dom knew that something between them had changed for the better. Eventually Matt would come around to that, too. And really, to see his friend this happy and active again brought him joy, as well. Who cared if he had to wait some more? The odd slip of the mind wasn’t anything Dom would allow to bring them both down again. The drummer had grown so much during the time in their personal hell, he wouldn’t let himself be the stubborn child.

The waitress came back with their drinks and Dom was pulled out of his thoughts. He realised that he’d missed almost half of the story Chris had been telling them and actually felt bad for zoning out like this. It didn’t seem like anyone had noticed, though, at least they didn’t let him feel it.

“So, how did you get Buster out of that thing, then?”

“Easy,” Chris replied. “Told him his favourite T-Rex toy was gonna go on vacation without him.”

“You didn’t.” Blue eyes widened.

Chris remained serious. “I totally did.”

Matt started laughing and poked Dom’s side, the blonde joining in after a few seconds and Chris following suit. It wasn’t that funny, but Matt’s laugh was contagious, even after all the time they’d known each other.

Once they had all quietened down they reached for their respective glasses and raised them in salute. Dom took a huge gulp and immediately spit it back into the glass. Meanwhile Matt, who’d see him doing it, spit out his own drink much less gracefully; namely, all over the table. At Chris’ horrified face turning into a deadly glare, both scrambled to clean up as quickly as possible.

“I think I got the wrong drink,” Dom explained. “This is definitely vodka, not water.”

“Even better.” Matt reached for his glass to take a swig, but Dom was quick enough to hit him on the fingers. “Ouch! Twat!”

“You’re not old enough to drink,” Dom chided him and got up from his seat, taking the glass in his hand. “I’m gonna get something new quickly. Be right back.”

He left his 2 bandmates alone and strode over to the bar, waiting for the bartender to come up to him. He glanced over to their table and saw Matt and Chris chattering quietly to each other. With a smile he turned back to see their waitress approaching and he stopped her in her tracks to explain his problem. She was actually embarrassed about the mix-up, but Dom assured her that it was no trouble with one of his patented Colgate sponsored Howard Smiles™.

It only took her a few moments to exchange his drink and again she apologised. Dom waved it off and winked at her before he turned back to make his way to his friends. There were some people blocking his way and so he had to zigzag through the room. When he came back within earshot, he stopped for a second. His friends couldn’t see him yet but he could hear them alright. Eavesdropping wasn’t usually his style, but right now he felt like he couldn’t move.

“-Sometimes I wake up and I’m sure I’m back in that room. Dunno. It’s… getting better, but I don’t think I can ever be comfortable there.”

“Have you thought about moving out?”

“Yes. And I think, I will. Soon.”

Wow, that was some damn heavy talking going on at his table and Dom wasn’t sure if he liked it. He surely didn’t like the thought of Matt scared and alone in his house. But it was probably good that Matt started to open up towards Chris, as well. He leaned forward a bit to get a better look at the 2 men and saw Chris taking a long swig from his glass before he looked at the brunette again. He seemed pensive and the lines on his forehead spoke of an inner conflict. It took him some time before he spoke up and Dom held his breath at the bassist’s words.

“What about moving back in with Dom?” he asked carefully.

Matt looked a bit uncomfortable at that. “Umm… I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Dunno, it’s a bit weird between us right now.”

“Weird how?” When Matt didn’t reply, Chris asked, “Matt?”

Matt sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I fucked up, okay? I know I don’t have to repay him for the things he did for me, but it feels pretty unbalanced at the moment and I did something I shouldn’t have done.”

“Why don’t you just talk to him then? You know he’d understand. He’d do anything for you.”

“I know,” Matt sighed. “That’s exactly the problem.”

Chris cocked his head in question, clearly confused as to what Matt was trying to say. This was not only Chris’ first time of hearing of that. Dom was just as dumbfounded.

“Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be more grateful that Dom’s been there for me all this time, but… Well, there’s only so much you can ask of a friend.”

“I understand,” Chris said, and he thought he might have an inkling what this was about. “So, what is your next plan then?”

“I’m not sure. I just need to get away from it all for a bit. Away from him.”

“To-”

No. He really didn’t need to hear more. Hardly noticing the people around him, he turned on his heels and quickly made his way to the bathroom. He really, really needed a moment to process what he’d just heard. It was one thing for Matt to be confused. Confused was alright, confused could be worked out. But calling it ‘weird’ and basically a mistake was a whole different level of so not okay! He needed to get away from him? Seriously, if Dom made him feel so uncomfortable, why didn’t he just tell him to piss off? He’d never had any qualms about that before. But maybe moving out again had already been a polite way of saying exactly that.

He gripped the sink tight and closed his eyes as the door fell shut behind him. Fortunately there were no other people around and so he could use the quiet to breathe. Shit, he couldn’t start thinking like that again. They were past that point. Or so he had thought. Maybe Matt didn’t mean it like it had sounded. Maybe he was still in limbo with his feelings. The problem was that Dom had gotten his hopes up to the point of no return. Still, he didn’t feel like telling him that. It was time for the singer to figure out what he wanted. And soon.

He should have stayed a second longer to hear the rest of what Matt had said to Chris. Maybe it would have explained what had gone wrong. He didn’t think that he’d been pushing too hard. No, Matt had been the one to kiss him that afternoon in Teignmouth. And Matt had also been the one to initiate the night that had followed. Come to think of it he’d been pretty nervous and jittery the next morning, but Dom had assumed that it had been his usual weirdness that had made a return. Now, however, it looked as if Matt had realised that it was a mistake. He’d changed his mind.

It was probably unfair of Dom to feel so rejected, but the statement in itself had been hurtful and quite aggressive. Whatever he’d done and whatever had spouted that idea about getting away in Matt, the singer should have come to him about it first. That much he owed him, Dom thought.

But Matt hadn’t said a thing, and what was Dom supposed to do now? He couldn’t exactly go back and demand an explanation, and he didn’t want to cause a scene either. He had no right to tell Matt what he could and couldn’t do. If he wanted to get away, then there was nothing Dom could do about it except to accept it.

He turned on the tap with numb fingers. He washed his hands and splayed some water on his face. Looking into the mirror he pulled at the skin under his eyes before he toweled off his hands and then dabbed the wetness from his face. Once he felt that he was ready to face his friends he left the bathroom and made his way towards their table.

 
 
Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: Jason Walker - Everybody Lies
 
 
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