29 October 2014 @ 10:49 pm
Title: Upside Down
Author: [livejournal.com profile] kaossbells & [livejournal.com profile] mcsparklez
Beta: the wonderful [livejournal.com profile] gypsyjaeger
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Belldom
Summary: Based on the mkmeme prompt: A rich music collector has almost everything he ever craved for, almost. One special object is still missing in his collection: Matthew Bellamy!
Warnings: language, violence
Feedback: Is like Matt Bellamy bathing in red glitter; fabulous.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and has never happened. We do not own any of the people mentioned and do not mean to offend.
A/N: Incredibly sorry for the delay.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3a] [Chapter 3b] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5a] [Chapter 5b] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7a] [Chapter 7b] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10a] [Chapter 10b] [Chapter 10c] [Chapter 10d] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12a] [Chapter 12b] [Chapter 13] [AO3]



London - 03.09.2013


“Are you really okay with this?”

“Matt, come on. You know I am. Especially now.”

Dom pushed open the door to his house and let Matt in. He had invited the singer to stay for as long as he wanted. Truth be told, Dom wouldn’t have let Matt go back to his own house even if he had wanted to. He was too afraid to let him out of his sight. At least for now. It would take both musicians a lot of time to adjust to normal life again. The singer didn’t voice it, but it was obvious how grateful he was for his friend’s hospitality. Of course he was scared to go back to his own house. Things had happened there… Things he didn’t want to think about again. There had not been a lot of talking about the new living arrangements. It was a given, natural really. Matt had his own room at Dom’s house anyway and a few of his things were already there.

“When’s Chris coming over?” the brunette asked tentatively.

Dom checked his watch and replied, “Should be here any minute.”

The bassist was eager to help settle Matt in, but there was not too much to do, so he had offered to at least go over to Matt’s house and fetch some clothes and toiletries. The singer had written him a short list of stuff he might need and Chris had taken on the task without hesitation. Kelly had even suggested for the other 2 to move in with the Wolstenholme family for the time being, but Matt had been hesitant about it and Dom had immediately known that it would’ve been too much for his friend. Too many people at once. So he had gratefully declined for the both of them. The brunette had almost hugged him afterwards. Almost.

“Make yourself at home,” the blonde said with a smile and one hand on the small of his friend’s back as they climbed the stairs to the first floor.

Matt tried to hide his frown and therefore looked anywhere but at his friend. But Dom noticed anyway. He took it in stride, though, because it was anything but unusual that Matt was still uncomfortable. So he didn’t take his hand away.

“You hungry? I could cook us something or order pizza. Whatever you want. My treat. Maybe Chris wants to join, too,” he offered and gave Matt an unwavering smile.

“Yeah… no, thanks. I think I’m just… gonna go to bed,” the singer mumbled and reached out for the door handle of his bedroom.

“Really? But it’s only afternoon,” Dom replied, uncertain.

“Yes… I’m sorry, but… I’m really tired.”

“Okay. We could still eat tonight. You need to get some food into your system. The doctor told me to have an eye on that.”

Matt just nodded and pressed the handle down. The sleeve of his shirt rode up a bit and revealed a dark bruise on his wrist. Dom had already noticed at the hospital but had decided not to mention it then. But now it made his stomach turn to knots. The brunette felt Dom’s staring immediately and pushed the fabric down awkwardly.

“Does that… Does it still hurt?” the drummer asked softly.

“No.” The reply was curt and left no room for questions. Although Dom still had a lot of those.

Apart from the more visible cuts and more or less fresh scars, there had to be a lot more bruises and injuries on Matt’s body. Dom could still remember those pictures quite vividly and it made him angry beyond reason. Yes, Suzanne and her lackey were dead. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t still want to make them suffer. It was obvious that Matt was still in pain sometimes because he moved with special care these days. The drummer wished there was something, anything really, he could do to make it better. But the singer didn’t ask, so what should he do?

“I guess I’m just gonna… gonna sleep now.” Matt had stopped in the doorway and gave Dom an insecure look.

“Yeah.” The blonde scratched his neck and smiled. Then he just took a step closer and hugged him. He still couldn’t quite believe that he had him back. Matt was finally here again. His Matt. He still smelled a bit of antiseptics and the hospital soap. Dom was very mindful not to hurt his friend and so he kept the hug as light as possible. “God, I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too,” the brunette replied in a dampened voice, but Dom didn’t fail to notice the lack of hug returning.

The blonde loosened his hold on Matt to lean back a bit and look at him properly. “Are you okay?”

“Don’t worry.” That wasn’t an answer at all. Immediately Dom started to worry again.

“Matt, I-” he started, but wasn’t able to finish his sentence.

“Really, don’t worry,” Matt cut him short. “I’m… I’m good.”

But he didn’t look it. Dom knew better than to take his word at face value. But if Matt didn’t want to talk, what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t force him, could he?

“Okay,” he sighed almost defeatedly. “Sleep then. I’m gonna be here whenever you wake up. Just come down when you feel like it. I’ll make us dinner then.”

“Maybe another time?”

Dom nodded. “Of course. Whenever and whatever you want.”

“Pasta?” Matt asked quietly.

“Your favourite, got it.”

The singer nodded and gave him a little smile before he turned around and stepped into the room. “Thanks, Dom. Really.” He closed the bedroom door carefully.

That only pacified the drummer temporarily. Actually he wanted to open the door again and hug Matt tight and tell him that everything would be okay again. That he could help if Matt only let him. But he didn’t want to rush him or scare him off. Sighing, he walked back down the stairs and shoved his hands in his pockets. Just as he was about to enter the living room to relax for a bit, the doorbell rang and he turned around again. Oh yes, Chris. He’d almost forgotten over his worries.

“Coming,” he shouted and then thought better of it. Matt was upstairs, trying to sleep. Shouting wasn’t very productive in that department.

So he hurried over to the door and opened it. Chris smiled brightly at him and engaged him in a short hug. There were two large suitcases to his left and right. He’d apparently taken his job really seriously.

“Hey, how’re you mate?” the taller man asked as he carried Matt’s stuff inside and Dom closed the door again.

“Good. I’m good,” he replied as he followed Chris to the living room.

“And how’s Matt?”

“Well…” He stopped in the doorway and rubbed at his face.

“Dom?” Chris turned around with a questioning look on his face after he’d placed the suitcases next to the couch.

“I’m not sure, actually. He’s very quiet and went straight to bed after we got home. Like, three minutes ago,” the drummer sighed.

“Oh,” Chris breathed and scratched his head. “I guess… it’s normal, isn’t it? I mean, normal considering the circumstances. Probably just needs some more rest in a proper bed. And coming to terms with what happened is surely going to take him some time.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. I just… I hope he’ll let me… us help with that. I don’t think he’ll manage on his own. You know how he tends to shut himself off when he’s troubled.” Dom walked over to the couch and sank down on it.

“And troubled he definitely is,” the bassist agreed and sat down in the armchair opposite Dom. “But don’t worry. Just give him some time. He’s complicated, you know that. He’ll reach out when he’s ready.”

“I hope so… After everything he’s been through… I just want to be there for him, y’know?” The blonde pulled his legs up to put his feet on the table and then leant back.

“Of course I know. And you already are, Dom. I know how daft that sounds, but… really, give him time and let him come to you. I promise you, he will. I mean… he’s back, after all!” Chris tried to give him an encouraging smile to cheer him up, but Dom didn’t really feel like it.

Yes, Chris was right. Matt was back. But to which extent? Was his heart back? His mind? Completely exhausted he closed his eyes for a second. Maybe the singer really just needed some time to himself. Although he was very reluctant to give him that time because he’d missed him unbelievably, he knew that it was the best he could do at the moment. No pushing, no rushing, no forcing, he told himself. Just be there when he needs you.

“Thanks Chris,” he said out of the blue, but the bassist understood.

“No problem, mate. Any time,” Chris replied with a smile followed by a quiet sigh.

This didn’t promise to be an exactly easy time. But fuck it, they’d seen worse. Much worse. Matt could’ve been dead, after all. No, they’d managed before and they would manage now. Because they were back together. That was all that counted.

Later that night Dom was getting ready for bed when he heard a quiet yelp coming from Matt’s bedroom. Quickly he dropped his unused toothbrush into the sink and ran over to the slightly opened door opposite of his own bedroom. Well, this was new. The singer never left his door open when he went to bed. Once he’d said that he couldn’t sleep when there was even the possibility of someone understanding an open door as an invitation. While this made perfect sense in hotel rooms (which they usually locked anyway), Dom didn’t quite see the point in doing it when you were at home. Anyone who’d get into your house uninvited would surely not be put off by something as simple as a closed door.

“Matt?” he asked softly as he knocked on the doorframe.

Dim light was falling through the gap onto the wooden floor of the hallway and he could see Matt’s shadow on the light carpet inside.

“Hey, are you alright?” he spoke up again, louder this time, and stepped inside.

“What?” Matt squeaked in surprise. He’d been sitting on the bed with his back to the door and looking out of the window. Now he’d jumped up like a frightened animal and was standing on the other side of the bed, having effectively brought the huge piece of furniture between himself and any potential danger in mere seconds.

“Hey, hey… It’s okay, just me. I heard a sound from your room and wanted to make sure you’re alright,” Dom tried to calm him.

“Yeah, just…” The singer was still breathing heavily and even in the soft light Dom could see the thin sheen of sweat on his friend’s pale forehead. “Nightmare, s’all.”

“Okay,” Dom replied hesitantly. “You sure, though? You’re never leaving your door open. Is there maybe more to this?”

All of a sudden the remaining signs of surprise vanished from Matt’s face and were replaced by a slight frown. His next words sounded more careful and guarded, much less subdued. “Well… I find it more difficult to sleep in a closed room. I guess the reason is more or less obvious…”

Dom sighed deeply and tried to catch the singer’s evasive eyes again. “Yes, I understand. And I’m sorry I’ve startled you. I should have been more considerate.”

“No, Dom. No… it’s okay. I’m just… feeling weird. It’ll pass, I’m sure. I’m sorry.” Now the brunette looked smaller than ever with his shoulders sagging and his eyes locked on the ground. The abrupt changes in his behaviour worried the drummer more than he cared to admit and a heavy weight seemed to settle in his stomach once more. A weight he’d thought gone after Matt had returned to them.

“So we’re both sorry.” He tried to smile in spite of everything. “Let’s move on from here then, shall we?”

“Yeah,” Matt replied with an uncertain smile of his own.

Oh, how Dom wished they would really move on so everything could go back to normal. Because normal had never quite seemed to be so worth striving for.
___


08.09.2013


“Matt, you alright?”

Dom shot him a glance and frowned a little. They’d agreed to have a quiet evening with pizza and a movie. Nothing too exciting. The singer was seated across from him on the couch and instead of having his eyes on the screen, he was eyeing his watch. His nimble fingers fumbled around with the tiny button. Then, without saying anything, he grabbed for the remote and checked the time on the telly.

“Matt?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah.”

With a sigh Dom leant back again and kept watching Matt from the corner of his eyes.

“Dom, what time is it?” Surprised, the drummer looked over and caught Matt’s unsure stare.

“Uhm…” Quickly he checked his own watch and replied, “9.34. Why? Didn’t you just check on the TV?”

“Yeah… But it could’ve been wrong.” The brunette tapped his fingertip on the glass of his watch and again turned the small button.

“Right.”

Silence followed and Dom released a little breath. He’d observed his friend checking his watch time and time again since he was back. He had a good idea about the reason and it wasn’t like he couldn’t just speak to him, but something was holding him back. Matt had shut off before when he’d tried to talk to him about such things, so he avoided it as much as possible. Of course not talking about substantial issues didn’t sit right with him. Not at all, mind you. But what was he supposed to do? Matt’s reactions didn’t leave much room for action. And if there was anything Dom didn’t want, then it was Matt shutting himself off even further.

“Does the clock in the kitchen keep the right time?” The singer had finally released his wrist and folded his hands on his knees.

“Well, I don’t know… I guess.” Dom shrugged and helplessly looked after Matt as he got up and made his way to the kitchen. “Matt, are you sure you’re okay?”

No reply. The blonde closed his eyes and rubbed his face with the heels of his hands. This was a nightmare in its own right. Matt was still suffering badly from his lack of time reference during his… his confinement. It was completely understandable. But why he wouldn’t talk about it… he still didn’t know. He’d waited so long for Matt to come to him for help, had given him so much time. And yet…

“Matt, there are some clocks upstairs. If you want we could go check them together.”

Yes, Dom had just decided to endorse his friend. Because, hey, if Matt didn’t want any direct help, he could still at least have his back when it came to his insecurities, right? Maybe if Matt realised that Dom was there for him, always, then he’d finally open up to him again. So the drummer jumped up and followed his friend to the kitchen.

“Good idea,” the brunette mumbled while he compared the kitchen clock’s time with the time of his watch. “Uhm… this one says it’s 9.56… That can’t be right…”

“No, it most definitely can’t,” Dom nodded his agreement.

He went up to the table, took one of the chairs and put it down under the clock so as to climb up and correct it. His own watch was always perfectly on time because on a job like his there was almost nothing as important as that. But the clocks at his house… well, he was a bit negligent with them. At home you were supposed to relax anyway. When he looked down at Matt, the singer actually smiled the tiniest bit. Dom marked it up as a huge success. Because his inner Notebook of Successes in the Matt department was pretty empty these days and anything that could make his friend smile was noteworthy.

“So, you want to go up together and see if those clocks have been fucking around with me all the time, too?” Dom asked with a smile of his own.

“Yeah… let’s do that,” Matt replied with a nod, but the smile had vanished.

Good thing Dom had mentally noted it down before, otherwise he probably wouldn’t believe in its short but precious existence. He savoured it now and thought of more ways to at least provoke a smile. It felt like he was facing the Mount Everest. With the small difference that Matt could be far more obstinate than any mountain.
___

22.09.2013


It was a late Wednesday afternoon, about a month after Matt's return, when Dom entered his house after one exhausting shopping trip. He'd bought Matt some new trousers and shirts because he thought that it was time for something new in the singer's life. It was only a small change but maybe it would help his friend to move on.

Small steps, the drummer reminded himself as he shut the door with his foot.

"Honey, I'm home!" he shouted through the house with a slight chuckle to his words. After everything that had happened, it was a bit surprising, even to himself, how he was actually able to joke around. Especially considering the current Bellamy-got-his-lips-sealed situation.

There was no reply, though, and the ground floor seemed eerily quiet. Before, a house containing Matt could have hardly been mistaken for an empty house. But these days the singer moved without making any noise, almost ghostlike. If he moved at all, that is. Sometimes Dom wouldn't see him for half a day. And then he would only emerge from his hiding places either to go to the loo or to satisfy his stomach. They'd come to the point where there was almost no social interaction anymore and secretly it was driving Dom nuts. Nevertheless, the blonde still stuck to his resolve to leave the singer as much room as was physically possible when you were living together.

He'll reach out when he's ready.

Dom had come to repeat Chris' words like a mantra in order not to forget about it. Because lately he was really getting a bit impatient. But he was dead set not to let it show. That wouldn't be helpful at all, he was sure of it.

"Matt? You there?"

Seriously, though... How hard could it be to at least acknowledge his presence? With a sigh Dom went up to Matt's room, very careful to make himself heard before he entered it. He didn't want to surprise his friend, after all. These days surprises didn't go down too well with the singer. It seemed like he was always cautious, always ready to leg it like some scared animal.

His tries were in vain, though, as the singer wasn't there. With a frown the drummer put down the two shopping bags and left the room without a second glance. Maybe he was in the garden again. Quickly Dom went into his own bedroom to look out of the window there. It had a great view over the garden and if Matt was there, he would definitely be able to see him.

He put his hands down on the window-sill and started scanning the garden for his oldest friend. Surely enough, it only took him a few seconds to find the tiny man. He was sitting in the grass with his back resting against an apple tree. As said tree stood in the far right corner of the garden, he wouldn't have been able to locate Matt from any of the ground floor windows. There were a few bushes blocking the view, but from up here Dom could see him perfectly.

It didn't look like the brunette was actually doing anything. There were no books or papers, no iPod, no nothing. He was just sitting there, appearing immobile. His eyes were wide open, fixed on something that remained invisible to Dom. It was very likely that he was just staring, without really seeing. That was a talent Matt had brought to perfection over the years. But now it was just creepy. The drummer sighed quietly and turned his back to the window.

There had to be something he could do without coming on too strong, without scaring him off. Because he couldn't stand the way they were acting towards each other. He couldn't stand walking on eggshells. They'd known each other for almost all their lives and now it felt like he wasn't even able to talk to his friend anymore. It wasn't just the fact that he craved for their romantic encounters. No, he wanted his friend back. More than anything.

Maybe, he thought, Matt wanted the same thing but didn't know how to act on it? Maybe he just needed a gentle push in the right direction?
With that in mind, the drummer hurried down the stairs again and went to the kitchen. He pulled a bottle of red out of the shelf, picked up two glasses, and quickly made his way to the garden. It only took him a few seconds until he'd reached the small front of bushes, the only remaining physical barrier between them now. Physical wasn't their problem, though...

Taking in a deep, calming breath he walked around the bushes and had his smile in place before Matt noticed him.

"Hi there," he greeted the brunette and sat down beside him without much ado.

"Erm... hi," Matt replied, only slightly dumbfounded, and looked at the blonde.

"Want some?" Dom asked and put the bottle down before waving the two glasses around. "I could definitely use a glass or two."

"I... Dom, I don't..." the singer stuttered and clutched his hands in his lap. He seemed nervous. Why the hell did he seem so nervous?

"You don't drink anymore?" he chuckled light-heartedly and poured them two glasses of the dark-red, rich wine. Without waiting for any reaction, he handed Matt a glass and took a swig from his own, partly to calm his nerves and partly in hope his friend would do the same. But he didn't.

"No, I... I mean, yeah. I do. But not right now." Matt appeared to be shrinking further into the thick trunk of the apple tree, almost as if he wanted to melt into it.

"Why though?" the drummer asked and casually caught a stray drop of wine with his tongue off his lips.

"I don't feel like it, that's why," came the curt reply and suddenly Matt didn't seem too nervous anymore. No, it was more like he was shutting himself off again. His arms were crossed over his chest and there was a small pout threatening to take over his expression.

With a sigh and his heart pumping like mad he reached for the singer's knee and squeezed it comfortingly. "You don't have to. You know I wouldn't force you. I just thought you'd maybe like to... well, have a drink with me, s'all," he said while rubbing small circles through his friend's jeans and into his skin.

"Please Dom..." All of a sudden Matt's voice had become all small and quiet and he actually shrank away from Dom's hand. Now he couldn't even look at the blonde anymore. "Please, just... just leave me alone, yeah? I... I need to think and..."

That stung. It seemed like all he ever wanted nowadays was for Dom to leave him alone. But there was nothing he could do, was there?
"Nah, it's okay," the drummer murmured in defeat. "I guess, I see where you're coming from. You need space, I get it. But you know I'm here whenever you need me, yes?"

"Yeah," Matt nodded slightly and fixed his eyes on the ground beneath his feet.

With fear and resignation gnawing painfully on his insides, the drummer pushed himself to his feet again. Before straightening up, though, he leant forward a bit, put his right hand to the back of Matt's head and kissed his hair. Meanwhile, Matt's body had gone completely rigid and, as Dom eventually got up, he looked at the drummer with wide eyes.

"I mean it. I'm here for you. Whenever you feel like... you know... talking. About anything."

"Okay," Matt whispered, still completely caught off guard.

Dom nodded and turned back to the house. Then he left the singer... his singer alone again. If solitude was what he wanted, solitude he should have. Still, his insides were churning wildly with every step he took away from Matt like he couldn't get back to him, like every yard between them was something final and irreversible. Matt hadn't chastised him after that kiss, though. Maybe... maybe there was still something he could do. More drastic measures. Something to show him that he was still wanted in the here and now and that Dom still needed him.
 
 
( Read comments )
Post a comment in response:
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.